I don’t know why I still can’t get over it

Seriously I just wish I had never met you. It’s almost like I’m trained to be fucking unhappy all the time. 

Why did you have to fuck with every single memory I had? Why did you bother to come back to my hometown for Christmas while you were fucking having threesomes and all these boyfriends on the side? 

And on top of that you gave me soemthing I can never get rid of. 

It’s alright for you, you can spend the rest of your life so fucking cozy while I have to go back and start from fucking square one.

I remember when I had you convinced to get help and bought you that damn book, it was like the first time I ever got through to you. And then you just fell back into it.

You can paint me out to be the enemy as much as you want but we both know I’m the only one who cared enough to put myself through constant misery.

Like do you know how it feels to trust no one? To think everyone is out to get you and everyone is going to hurt you?

I never felt like this before ever. Maybe I had this image of marriage like to work everything out but you had to fuck with that too. What kind of life is this even? We’re still married while you’re with god knows whom? 

I’m actually scared to fucking death to go back to Newfoundland and just eventually die there. Like I had my life planned and this is just so fucking unfair. All I tried to do was love you and this is where I end up. Fuck life man, fuck it.

I wish all the memories would just fade fucking away. Is pathetic. How much I miss you sometimes. How much I belittled myself and put up with shit just to stay with you. Fuck you. Seriously. Whatever happens I hope karma is right around the corner honestly. Because we both know I didn’t do shit wrong, how dare you seriously. Physcopath . Your fucking crazy to look at someone and live a lie like that and just use everyone, lie to everyone. 

Whatever happens to me in the end I will still resent you for just leaving like that and making me out to look so addicted to you so helpless. While you just slutted around the world on your dad’s dime. And somehow I still miss you? I must be completely fucked.